بِسْــــــــــــــــــمِ اﷲِالرَّحْمَنِ اارَّحِيم
Home » My Personal Observations » Advice to those who believe (Part 4, Parenting)

Advice to those who believe (Part 4, Parenting)

“O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones, over which are [appointed] angels, harsh and severe; they do not disobey Allah in what He commands them but do what they are commanded.”

[Qur’an : Chapter #66 (Surat At-Tahrim: The Prohibition) Verse #6]

Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said,When a man dies, his deeds come to an end except for three things: Sadaqah Jariyah (ceaseless charity); a knowledge which is beneficial, or a virtuous descendant who prays for him (for the deceased).”

(Muslim #4005)

If you have read all the previous chapters you know about finding the truth , and how to implement the truth in your life so that you start the positive change within yourself first and foremost and then preach the message of truth to your surroundings starting from your own home, then to friends, relatives and finally to general public. Everyone knows that the most important block in the building of a state is its youth , because it’s the youth that replaces the old. Newer generations replace older generations, so now our focus (being Muslims I.e. Those who submits their Will to The Will of Allah) is on the next generation.

This chapter is all about advices to parents , for them to learn how to bring up their kids (Next Generation). Firstly , parents should have clear basic concepts and should belong to the first category (mentioned in 2nd chapter “types of people”). They should know about which education should be prioritized upon the children. Remember , knowledge of science is important (worldly knowledge) but even if you or your children has a PhD in Physics or even have won a noble price but is unaware of basic questions of Where he came from ? , Who is the Creator?, Why was he created ? And where he is going after this life , then if that “knowledgeable” person dies in this state then what did he achieved ? Will he be going to asked about his PhD degree at the day of judgement ? Or he will get some compensation because of his noble price ?. Summary of this paragraph is that , parents should know about the priority of type of education that they are going to give to their children.

From where I came from , the culture over there is that you’re a respectable human only if you’re an Engineer or a Doctor otherwise you’re humiliated in every walk of life. Reason for this ? Monkey see, Monkey do culture. Parents seeing their nephews , or friends kids achieving so much in life (in terms of materialistic gains) so they conclude that if our kid follows the same pattern he/she would also get so much in terms of materialistic gains and they can boast their kids achievement in gatherings ( e.g my son scored this much marks , my daughter got admission in that institution, my child is settled abroad etc.). While forgetting the basic concept that the sustenance is in the hands of Allah alone, it’s only Allah who grants to whomever He wills and takes from someone how much He wills. Success is only in the hands of Allah alone, He give success to whomever He wills and gives loss to whomever He wills. Allah does all of this to test who is a true believer. And Indeed ! It’s a great test.

I always ask my friends about how their family treats them , and majority of times I find depressing and sad answers. Children share their feelings with strangers outside home , because how their parents treat them or had treated them the first time they shared something wrong they did. It’s up to a parent that they treat children like best friends so that they are comfortable in sharing anything to them or being like dictators and reacting on even small things (negative reactions) so that the children starts to fell depression and hide their thoughts from their parents and share the thoughts with strangers and accepts advice of the strangers over their parents because the strangers listened to their feelings and thoughts at first place. So basically those “dictator” parents put their children life in the hands of strangers , and then if the strangers are bad they can mislead those children very easily. (Note , being a friend doesn’t mean you are lenient in everything , tell them where they are wrong but tell them in a way that doesn’t involve making them scared for life).

Let me list down things you can do :-

1. Implement Qur’an and Authentic Hadiths in your life and change the environment of your house to something that reflects a Muslim home.

2. You should prioritize Qur’anic education on your children than the worldly knowledge. Make them understand and know the answers of basic questions of like Where they came from , Who is the Creator , Why are they created. You should be the one to introduce your child towards truth , and show them ways how to evaluate something wrong or right on the basis of Qur’an.

3. Your child should be able to understand/Read or even write Arabic , if not much then at least that much so that he/she can understand Qur’an and Authentic Hadiths. Other languages are also important , as they will enable your child to spread the message of truth to the world.

4. Your child should be a Hafiz of the Qur’an and famous Authentic Hadiths, it’s easy and you should prioritize it above every thing else, make your child understand the Qur’an along with memorizing it.

5. Spend time with your child , and whatever you teach them about life and Qur’an , try to ask questions about it again and again so that they can’t forget it. If you haven’t memorized the Qur’an yet , then it’s a golden chance for you . Memorize the Qur’an with your child, revise with your child if you are a Hafiz. Take test of the memory of your child at different times of the day , and award the child something like a gift on the basis of his/her achievements in learning about the wisdom/knowledge (encourage them always in every walk of life, never make them feel useless, always point out the good in them and their potential). (Memorizing Qur’an , Learning Arabic, Authentic Hadiths etc).

6. You should be the one to introduce your child to Allah (Only one creator), don’t miss this chance. When you’re on trip , show your child nature and reason with your child through questions and answers that who made all of this , and there is no error in any of the creation of Allah.

7. Make your child linked with word of Allah alone, teach your child an important life lesson that they will be tested in life , so even if we are (parents, family) are there with you or not, always take advice from Qur’an and Authentic Hadiths. Make Qur’an their best friend, and tell them that always take decision based on Qur’an, as everything is mortal except the Word of Allah.

8. Tell them how much Allah loves them , tell them no matter how low they maybe in life there is always a door open to return to Allah and how Allah loves His servants returning to him. Tell them that if they have Allah by their side , they have to worry about nothing. Tell them if Allah wants to test you through good and the whole world wants to harm you , they will fail, and if Allah wants to test you through pain and the whole world wants to save you , they will fail.

As beautifully stated in Qur’an:-

“And if Allah should touch you with adversity, there is no remover of it except Him; and if He intends for you good, then there is no repeller of His bounty. He causes it to reach whom He wills of His servants. And He is the Forgiving, the Merciful”

[Quran:- Surah #10, Surah Yunus, Verse #107]

9. Make it a habit that everyone eats dinner together , prays together (in mosque), and you should be either learning/teaching new things about Islam/Wisdom daily or you should be revising the old topics about wisdom with your children. Each day a new Hadith , new Verse , or something new related to wisdom, either search and tell them or tell them to find one and tell everyone and then reward them with something good.

10. Teach your kids about real success , teach them that real success is not in materialistic gains (or running after the world or being at the top) but the real success is in improving one’s character by following the footsteps of Holy Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him).

Important Note: All of this is an advice for me first and foremost and then to anyone else (remember practice what you preach), These are my thoughts and I am a Human and I am not perfect but Islam is. So if I made any mistake then it’s upon me only (advice me good) , don’t judge Islam through my actions.

In the end remember that even if you follow everything according to what is written , but still end up with a spoiled child then remember that Allah is watching and He tests those whom He loves most. Stay Patient , you will be asked about your duty only and your duty is to advice good and forbid evil.

Verses from Qur’an and Authentic Hadiths related to this topic :-

Parenting as Duty

It has been narrated on the authority of Ibn ‘Umar that the Prophet (May be upon him) said:

Beware. every one of you is a shepherd and every one is answerable with regard to his flock. The Caliph is a shepherd over the people and shall be questioned about his subjects (as to how he conducted their affairs). A man is a guardian over the members of his family and shall be questioned about them (as to how he looked after their physical and moral well-being). A woman is a guardian over the household of her husband and his children and shall be questioned about them (as to how she managed the household and brought up the children). A slave is a guardian over the property of his master and shall be questioned about it (as to how he safeguarded his trust). Beware, every one of you is a guardian and every one of you shall be questioned with regard to his trust.” (Sahih Muslim 1829)

Advising children

“And [mention, O Muhammad], when Luqman said to his son while he was instructing him, “O my son, do not associate [anything] with Allah . Indeed, association [with him] is great injustice.”

[Qur’an : Chapter #31 (Surat Luqman: Luqman) Verse #13]

“Worship Allah and associate nothing with Him, and to parents do good, and to relatives, orphans, the needy, the near neighbor, the neighbor farther away, the companion at your side, the traveler, and those whom your right hands possess. Indeed, Allah does not like those who are self-deluding and boastful.”

[Qur’an : Chapter #4 (Surat An Nisa: The Women) Verse #36]

Pray for good offspring

“At that, Zechariah called upon his Lord, saying, “My Lord, grant me from Yourself a good offspring. Indeed, You are the Hearer of supplication.”

[Qur’an : Chapter #3 (Surat Al’i Imran: Family of Imran) Verse #38]

Here are some amazing Series , Traveler with Qur’an and Guided through Qur’an. Make a habit of watching it daily with whole family and then ask what did they learn in that specific episode. (It’s in Arabic , but subtitles are in English).

Traveler with Qur’an Season 1 and 2

Though all the videos from Guided through Qur’an are amazing but my favorite one is this:-

You can find all the videos of both series from these YouTube Channels :-

 [https://www.youtube.com/user/hagirelhadari/videos]

[https://www.youtube.com/user/fahadalkandari/playlists]

About Islam Practice N Preach

Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported:
The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, “When a man dies, his deeds come to an end except for three things: Sadaqah Jariyah (ceaseless charity); a knowledge which is beneficial, or a virtuous descendant who prays for him (for the deceased).”

-Muslim
[http://sunnah.com/riyadussaliheen/13/8]

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